This is the million dollar question.
You're done.
You can't stand being near your spouse, but it's the countdown to the holidays.
So do you bite the bullet now and just have the Talk?
Or do you wait until after the holidays are over and then do it?
Want my two expert cents?
As much as you are at your breaking point, if you've not already had The Talk with your spouse, then there isn't enough time for them to process it before the holidays ramp up.
And this, is really not your concern, but, what I do know is your concern, is your kids.
This is what keeps you up at night.
These little people kept you in your marriage for longer than was healthy, because you care about them the most. You care about how your actions impact them. And your spouse will make this even worse now, for them, if you pull the plug before the holidays.
So for them, my expert advice is hold off on the Talk under after the holidays.
Remind yourself you're doing it for them, this one last time.
So infuse this holiday season with as much happiness, peace, joy, and memories as you can.
That's not to say it has to be over the top anything. It can be a minimal Christmas if that's all the energy you have.
Reminder: kids don't need pomp and circumstance, they just need you to be there. That's it.
But what you should be doing now, is preparing to leave, to have the Talk. And that should always include hiring your divorce coach before you even hire your lawyer (one of our jobs is to help you hire the best one for you- this alone will save you tens of thousands of dollars and months, if not years, of your life.)
You should get the ball rolling strategically behind the scenes, now.
This will help alleviate your fear and overwhelm by taking some action now, but also, it'll help you plan your exit strategically.
They've been chess players your entire relationship, now you have to become a master chess player yourself, or at least hire a divorce coach who can be that for you.
Need help? I'm here for you.
With so much love, always,
Chantal xo