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Ten Red Flags that your Relationship is Toxic

Updated: Dec 20, 2023

You know your relationship is not fulfilling and may even be unhealthy, but could it be more than just two people who have grown out of love or are incompatible?

If you’re having to Google your relationship, your “partner’s” behaviour, it may be time to call it quits and end it.

Here are ten red flags that may indicate your relationship is at best, toxic, and at worst, abusive:

  1. They give you the silent treatment or stonewall you when you don't do what they want, how they want it, when they want it.

  2. You are constantly walking on eggshells because their actions, reactions, responses, and behaviour are predictably unpredictable.

  3. It is always their way or the highway, there is very rarely any middle ground, or room for compromise.

  4. No matter what you do, how much you bend, how far you pretzel, how many times you give in to keep the peace, there is never any change in your relationship dynamic. It’s simply never enough. You can never please them, no matter how hard you try, and I can guarantee you have tried valiantly.

  5. You constantly hesitate to speak your mind, share your opinions, express yourself, your needs and your desires.

  6. More often than not, you find yourself thinking it's not worth it to pick a fight (assert yourself which will be deemed as picking a fight, being adversarial, difficult, and/or high maintenance.)

  7. They get mad without telling you

  8. They always make everything about them: they're never at fault. They show little genuine care for you and your wants, but expect all of their wants, needs, and desires to be met, without question. They say jump, you should say, how high?

  9. They never apologize and if they do, it's never genuine (“I’m sorry you feel that way…”) and never followed up with changed behaviour, which means it's just manipulation to get you to do what they want.

  10. You're exhausted, confused, mentally and emotionally drained, you're riddled with self doubt, and have lost most passion for things that once brought you joy. You're surviving and not thriving. Your constant quest to meet their ever changing and shifting needs and goal posts, has left you depleted and running on empty. In this race to anticipate their needs and wants, you have completely lost sight of yourself, who you are, what your needs and wants are, your passions, your joys, your spark. Your physical health may even be on the decline, as the human body is not meant to be exposed to prolonged periods of stress and will start to shut down.

If any of these sound familiar, it may be time to take stock of your life, your relationship and start to ask yourself what YOU want and what YOU need from life. You only get one shot at life, and if you’re merely surviving, and not thriving, than it may be time to leave.

Please know you don’t have to do this alone. The best time to hire a divorce coach, is before you leave. The second best time, is anytime thereafter.

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